Many of us get lost in the perpetual motion of life. A seemingly never-ending list of things to do, to desire, to dream. It can be overwhelming at times for some, including me, and when you think you can’t keep the juggling act going, you are reminded that it’s totally worth it.
My brother passed away last weekend. He was too young to leave this world, a man of great passion and kindness, but also a man caught in the swirl of life’s emotions, worries and complexities. At thirty-five, my brother is now at peace. Although no longer a physical presence to us, his spirit prevails, a welcome guest to my heart.
It is these moments, as sad as they may be, that help bring clarity, focus and compassion into our lives. You can choose to DO. You can choose to DESIRE. You can choose to DREAM. And you can choose to LIVE.
For years I’ve fallen victim to my own swirl of emotions. A string of tiresome, but manageable insecurities, depression, and mood swings. Having a family history of mental illness, I have pushed through waves of self-consciousness, hyper-aware of what might exist under my own skin, but ultimately this has only enabled me to suffer. I WAS my worst critic. But my brother’s death has taught me that life is fleeting. And although I HAVE lived and I HAVE achieved and I AM a healthy woman, in the past I cast judgement onto myself. I never allowed myself to be truly happy. Enough is enough.
I feel lighter these days, with my spirit high and my focus clear and confident. It’s been a week since my brother’s passing, and although I still feel sad at times, I understand that this is natural. I now CHOOSE to live a life of happiness, compassion and acceptance, sympathy and patience, all the things that I suffered to achieve before. I feel as if I am no longer living a life for myself, but one that now includes the spirit of my brother. My brother Patrick wanted to live a happy and healthy life, but God (yes I have found God in all of this), had a different plan. If I feel weak, I will think of Pat, and if I feel joyous, I will think of him too.
Life is a funny thing. Many of us have the freedom to CHOOSE what we want. We can be FEARFUL of it, or we can let LOVE in and embrace the beauty of it. I CHOOSE love.
Rest in Peace, Pat. Keep on dancing.